The End

SO i did live a bunch of empty years full of self hatred and denial , painful survival, it hasn't sure been easy but i thought my secret was safe (wich is quite puzzling when people today tell me "aaaaaah yeah i kinda thought you were like that" ..... anywayz i tried..)

so what in the world made me stop burrying my head in the sand?

let's say that in my mind, i had like a time limit, i wouldn't have thought i'd reach the age 30, like my existence had to end around 25 , why? i don't know, too painful maybe.. i didn't plan to kill myself, i just thought it would come by itself, whatever way the fate choses

aaaand after a while i went 24 ... a few things happened, first the limit was getting extremely close and perhaps i was a bit more touchy about anything, then i ended up on that webcomic, "misfile" telling the story about a guy who by the mistake of a pot-smoking angel turned into a girl against his will .....

aargh how much i wished for that stuff to have happened to me !
and aargh how much i understof the concept of being "misfiled", even tho the story goes the other way, i understood the feeling that was mine , and felt misfiled at birth... or puberty, whatever

the comic is good but i was hurting myself reading it and it restarted some reflexions about myself , you guess wich ones...

i also ended on another website, more or less the same thing as what you're reading now, the story of a 30 years old woman, with picture not of a big transvestite, but just a woman, not a model, not a sideral ugliness, just someone i wouldn't have noticed in the street, a proof that you can be trans, and still authentic and natural,

she also told about her experience with the Dr Suporn in thailand, and a proof that yes you can be normal down there too, on an aesthetic and functionnal point of view, without ending to be some kind of female eunuch

just a big proof that you can just be "a woman" and that trans people were not necessarily those you can fogure out, or find in google image.... especially witout the "mature audience filters" but just anybody


and that then maybe...

me too ?

her testimonial and some exchanged mails made me chose that surgeon, unfortunately her website isn't online anymore , and reading her annoyment to receive mails such as "no, srsly, you were a dude before?" i understand a bit, so it's a reason why i'm hesitating about showing myself here



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