- Nickie 2.0 -

still in beta version


this a list post again, lists are cool to look at stuff, but what am i talking about?


the concept i call nickie 2.0 is let's say what i aim to be, all that nickie 1.0 would have been scared or ashamed to do, or to be, etc, Nickie 2.0 is simply my goal, i mention this nickie 2.0 when i succeed something, free myself from something, it's very simple and also difficult to explain, mostly based on a list of "milestones" that are those:


I shall be Nickie 2.0, not oncei get surgery, would be a bit simplistic :D

but i'll be nickie 2.0 once:

-i'll be able to think about my past without crying or even be proud of it why not

-i will have gotten rid of that sick way to look at myself and will be able to ack with the ease and spontaneity of zoe in Venus Envy , Nickie 1.0 knows improvisation and ad-libing but doesn't have that spontaneity and openness of the finally peaceful nickie 2.0, whose chart involves having hindsight yes, but not compulsively, not about myself in a paranoid way, it includes for example not trying to show people what they expect to see especially people from before:
to not anticipate nor fear the "ah you like that sort of stuff??"

-i will see in my mirror the very same thing i see with my eyes closed, even maybe be proud of it

-i'll accept people's love, as i will not be a monster, or an emotional ruin, or an incarnation of shame and self-hatred



in that order, obviously :)



on the ruins of nickie 1.0 i shall build the most flamboyant temple, once i'll be able to appreciate all i get, all i become or will have become without back thoughts, then i shall be 2.0



and i'll make it!



.